A SHORT LOVE STORY
A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,………’Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold.’
‘I have a better idea,’ she replied ‘Just for tonight,…… let’s pretend that we’re married.’
‘Wow!…………………. That’s a great idea!’, he exclaimed.
‘Good,’ she replied. ………….’Get your own bloody blanket.’
After a moment of silence, ………………….he farted.
The End.
I havn’t posted for a long long time. Very few sites actually link to this blog now, I have removed the link from any site that links back to my new-ish career as a web designer, and only people that know me & my deviant nature may now find this site through a profile that exists on another site.
As such, I feel a bit safer to have a bitch about my sex life, or complete and total lack of.
It has been four months since I last had sex. I can’t 100% say the same for my boyfriend (yes, I have a boyfriend, of almost 3 years). I wish I could have the guts, or courage, or complete lack of morals to look elsewhere for sex, as I’ve had offers and I’m sure it wouldn’t be too difficult to find someone, in fact anyone, who finds me attractive and would lavish attention on me. However as I cannot be sure that my boyfriend has or has not cheated on me in the past 6 months, I refuse to be the one who goes off and does it ‘first’ (‘first’ because he has done it before, two years ago, so technically, the first has already happened.)
However, I am wrestling with feelings inside myself. My own sexual desires have become reduced, after such a long period of no sex, and an even longer period of sporadic sex, it is not surprising that I want it less – the body becomes accustomed to its situation. But it is not only that. Something which shames me is that lately, the thought of sex makes me feel a bit sick, specifically, the thought of going down on a man makes me want to gag. Last time my boyfriend and I had sex (Oct 2009 I believe) I physically gagged when I went to the loo afterwards and his cum seeped out of me, it took all my strength to not be sick despite not having gone down on him at all that night. I cannot tell if it was the smell, the texture or what that made me feel so ill that night, but I think that feeling has stayed with me and grown over the months.
And yet, I still want sex. I want to feel desired and loved and dominated and sexy. I lie in bed and think about attempting to initiate sex, but the only way I know how to even begin to turn my boyfriend on is to go down on him – something as previously mentioned, makes me want to puke (plus having had the compliment reciprocated only twice in our 3 year relationship, makes me resentful about giving it.) Kissing him doesnt turn him on, prancing around the room naked or semi-naked definitely doesnt turn him on, and stroking just makes him overly sensitive or itchy, so initiating sex becomes as hard a task as climbing Mount Kilimanjaro, and completely not worth it as inevitably the positions will go as follows:
- spoon
- reverse cowgirl
- maybe doggy until he cums…
- or blowjob until he cums
Tell me, where is the incentive for a girl to enjoy that? He has never made me cum (but to be fair, no man ever has and I have enough trouble on my own) but I can still be teased and allowed to enjoy sex. I never feel I am given that opportunity.
It sounds harsh, but I just want to sit down and tell my boyfriend that telling the girl what to do in bed does not make you a dominant in the bedroom, it simply makes you selfish.
So why am I still with him. Well, I do actually love him. When we’re getting along we’re very good together, but lately those times seem to be fewer and fewer and Im becoming more disillusioned with the relationship. It’s also incredibly difficult to move out. We’ve lived together for over two years and I am very well and happily settled, moving all my stuff out (and it would be my belongings as the rental lease is in his name) would be no mean feat, despite my Dad offering to help get a van should I need it, and many people offering to put me up until I find a new place. I also have negative connotations that sit alongside looking for a place to live along dating back to my uni years, and it’s scary and upsetting.
I think I’m holding out false hope, I also think Im settling for less because Im too scared, lazy and dependant to move out. Im also not looking for sympathy and Im definitely not looking for advice, if you’ve read this then you know I already know the right decision to make, Im just being an idiot and not making it. I don’t need more people telling me what a twat I am, Im the one living in a sexless relationship with a man who is probably cheating anyway, so I have punishment enough I guess.
Perhaps I will find the courage to move on this year, perhaps things will get better, perhaps not.
There arent many places I can put this as Im trying to alter my online presence, but today my right nipple piercing & my hood piercing have been laid to rest. Well, I might change my mind about my hood piercing over the next couple of hours, but the right nipple had to go. It’s been catching a lot lately and slowly working it’s way to the surface, and before it was too late I had to remove it. Last night there was a little blood mixed in with ‘crusties’ and today it’s been washed, dried, removed and washed twice again.
Of course we all know it’s possible to re-pierce, but my nipples were very painful for me ( I fainted twice), so I doubt it will happen again any time soon. I will probably miss it, but it was kind of nice to see my breast without; a little purer, a little cleaner, sadly not a little smaller, but we’ll work on that when I get the courage to see a surgeon. So, RIP right nipple piercing & (probably) hood piercing. It’s been fun. xxx
Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
William Butler Yeats (1888)
Whilst backing up my laptop data (which I do sparodically) I found a document full of quotes, poems and inspirational sayings that I had copied from various sources. I always had a fondness for the above poem, it makes me smile. I hope it made you smile too.
As ‘promised’ here are some holiday snaps from my time in Turkey & Gibraltar in April:
A small beach in Southern Turkey between Kas & Kalken.
Only seaward facing amphitheatre in Kas, Turkey
Orange tree with parked car in Turkey
A flower against carved stone in Turkey
Candy floss coloured flowers near the sunken city in Turkey
Rapunzal's Tower - a mosque in Kas, Turkey
There were a few more flower photos, but I will put them in a later post with other flower photos from England.
Gibraltar:
The famous Rock in Gibraltar
The Lighthouse on Europa Point, Gibraltar
St Michael's Cave in Gibraltar
An archway on the 3 hour walk down the Rock in Gibraltar
Spikey flower I saw in Gibraltar
Kings Bastion fortress that's been developed into a leisure centre
King's Bastion two - outside of the new leisure centre
And that’s all for now. I do have some gorgeous macro flower photos I want to share too, but that will be for a later date I think. In the meantime, Elvis our hamster is on the road to recovery we think, my boyfriend has officially resigned and is looking for work, our lounge & bathroom have finally been redecorated (click for larger view):
So it seems things are finally on the up, although I’m still wary of saying that! Don’t want that “spoke too soon” thing, you know lol!
Ive been really wanting to write an update for some time now, but just havent known where to start. My life just kind of fell apart, and at the moment Im holding the flat where I live with my bf together with sticky tape and blue tack and will power.
So to begin with I went on holiday, first to Turkey, then to Gibraltar. I will like to post some photos up in a few days because, even if I say so myself, some of the pics I took turned out lovely. When I came back from Gibraltar 3 weeks ago I had caught a nasty cold on the flight (dont worry, it wasnt swine flu, just a cold!) I spent the afternoon recovering until my Dad came round late afternoon. He buzzed and I let him in, led him into the lougne and simply said “well, we lost Grandad.”
It turned out that my Grandad (who, you’ll remember was suffering from lung cancer diagnosed in Feb, and a chest infection) had taken a turn for the worse on the day Id flown out to Gibraltar. They’d taken him to a hospice where he’d deteriorated over the weekend and died on the Sunday afternoon. Obviously we were all very upset, but glad he wasnt suffering anymore. His lungs had been filling up with fluid, there was no way he could get radiotherapy for the cancer so it was all a matter of time, and he didnt want to return to hospital either. The hospice was apparently very good to him and most of the family was with him wen he passed, so I hope that he wasnt upset.
We had the opportunity to write a letter to be cremated with him, which we all did. We had some problems with my Mother wanting to come to the funeral and my Dads wife throwing a hissy fit about it all which was very difficult to deal with on top of the death. However, the funeral went well (as well as a funeral can go!) and I spent a very nice afternoon/evening with my family.
The day after the funeral I got a call from my Granny (on my Mothers side of the family). Now, she hasnt been very well the past few months, shes been gradually loosing weight and isnt eating as much as she should be. She was meant to have a banding operation done on some hemeroids that have been causing her a lot of pain, but due to an erratic heart rate it was put off. So, shes been pestering doctors to sort the hemeroids out as they are causing the most pain (and probably the erratic heart rate as they are that uncomfortable!) Anyway, after a trip to the doctor describing symptoms, it seems that the bowel cancer she beat in 2007 is returning. She’s actually gone into hospital today for more tests to find out.
Thirdly, my boyfriend was framed at work and has had to resign. He worked for a sound distribution company, had done for 7 years as warehouse manager. He had set up the database that recorded all of their stock (before that there was no method of knowing what they had & didnt have in stock) and he was incharge of loading/unloading, fixing broken equipment, packing and unpacking and anything else that went on in the warehouse. He had one other man there to help him with the heavy lifting, but usually was left to his own devices. To make this post shorter, Ill try & squeeze the story into one paragraph:
The company is badly managed with 13 employees and only 3 who have specific roles – sales, warehouse manager & warehouse support. Who knows what everyone else does for their salary. As it’s a sound distribution company, lots of equipment gets sold and rented out, including by the employees. My boyfriend, on the Friday, marked out a bunch of equipment he was taking to be delivered on Saturday to him house, left it at work and it was delivered on Saturday by a co-worker. Now apparently two people at work claim that he took two of a piece of equipment when he took only one – I believe him because the case in which he is supposed to have taken this extra peice of equipment is empty – so how they saw it is beyond me as its not in there – Ive looked myself. It is also very underhand the way in which they have accussed him. He was brought in on the following Wednesday – not the Mondau or Tuesday, or even on the Saturday when the good were delivered (which, if they truely had any doubt, they shouldn’t have even let the goods leave the warehouse.
So anyway, he is meant to have a disciplinary tomorrow (it was originally meant to be a day after he was suspended from work, but we argued that it wasnt long enough to get representation or a case together – not that we can afford legal help!) but instead he is resigning before they have a chance to sack him for something he hasnt done. After 7 years of appalling treatment, including this being the second false accusation of theft, it’s not possible to return to a firm who don’t trust you, especially if the whole workforce believe he’s guilty as he’ll turn into the scapegoat and be fired anyway. As for reasons for this set up, we’re not 100% sure, either its to avoid paying redundancy pay (the company looks to be going down anyway), or hes trodden on someones toes as he can be quite forthright at work, or its simply to promote the guy below him but avoid paying him the salary my boyfriend was on. Either way, they’ve lost an asset and whatever you do readers, dont rent or buy from Proel.
Finally, my hamster Elvis isnt very well. Hes been making mewing noises lately. Hes about 18 months old, and we think hes just caught a cold, but of course we’ve both concerned and hope he gets better too. We’re keeping the place warm (as warm as we can now Im the only breadwinner in the house for the moment) and trying to convince him to drink plenty, but hamsters arent the most influential animals and we’re not sure how it’ll turn out if he doesnt take more food & fluids.
Happy HNT!!!
This was taken on my my & my boyfriends 2 year anniversary the beginning of last week. It was my favourite photo out of the ’series’ and is now my avater on most of the social networks I use.
Ok, so it’s 6pm, and Im a little drunk. I haven’t eaten since lunch, and when I got in this evening from work, I saw what was left of the wine from last Saturday, and thought “why not?” So, on an empty stomach and a glass of wine, Im a little drunk.
So, Im actually just writing for the sake of writing. The past few weeks I’ve felt really quite detached from everyone – from the people whose blogs I read, from my real life friends, from my family and from my boyfriend whom I live with. I’ve been working from home most days so my social life kinda sucks anyway – Skype is the only way to talk to work collegues. Usually I don’t mind too much, I grew up an only child so being alone comes naturally and comfortably to me. However, Friday is my 22nd Birthday, and as a rule, all birthdays since I was old enough to remember have been really quite shite. So when it comes to my birthday, I have extremely low expectations and a fair bit of bitterness stored up.
It’s not really a reflection of my friends since when I went to uni it just so happened that my birthday fell at a bad time for student loans – basically, we were paid 3 installments, and my birthdays was just before the third installment of our academic years, so noone had any money when my birthday came around as they had spent most of their 2nd installment and were waiting on the third. And now we’re all “grown up” it seems not much has changed. Not only is it tough to arrange to see my mates since they live all over the place and actually, I keep a varied selection of friends who dont all actually know each other, but also, now we all have jobs, time together is thin and payday is at the end of the month – about 10 days after my birthday. Again it seems noone has much money.
Saying all this, I can’t really complain too much since the past two days Ive had a number of old uni mates texting me trying to arrange to see me around my birthday, and I am forever grateful to them for making the effort to try and do something. As I said, I have low expectations and rarely try to encourage my friends to join together and meet me, simply because although they know OF one another, they do not KNOW one another well enough to let loose on a night out, and the distance means that they are unlikely to ever be able to. I’m sad to admit that this knowledge (which has only recently hit me) makes me extremely sad. I saw on facebook a few nights back a photo album uploaded by some girls that I used to go to school with. These girls were not in my year (please understand that I was part of the choir when I was at school and mingled/hung out with a LOT of kids in different years/grades so thus I am still in contact with kids that are still at school even though I left 4 years ago) but they had photos of at least 6 to 10 of them all having fun and hanging out, and I’ll admit I was extremely jealous. I do not have that with my friends. I never have the opportunity to spend time with a group of friends, only 1 to 3 at a time, which isn’t that much fun to go clubbing with.
I know my friends friends. For example. I have a friend called Jane. She lives a 40min journey from me. I travel to hers a fair bit by train, and Ive stayed over a few times. I know a lot of her mates and she is very lucky because she has a big group of mates who live nearby, most of whom didnt go to uni and move away from home (like a lot of my old school mates.) I like her friends, but I didnt grow up with them and I havent spent quality time with them, so I cannot class them as friends, merely aquaintances. However, I do like them and given the opportunity love going out with my friend Jane & her friends.
Now, I can feel myself dragging, I cant tell if it sounds like Im complaining about my lack of friends, or my lack of conatact or what, but then again, Im still a bit drunk. I want to confirm that I love my friends, I just become so sad when I realise that I don’t have a close group of friends that I can rely on to go out to the pub, or clubbing, or even hang out in London. There is no easy way to create that either, and I feel terrible clinging onto another group, so I hang back until Im invited out (rarely – Im not part of a group, Im a hanger on, this happened on New Years Eve. Suddenely someone remembered I existed and decided to invite me, but I had already planned an evening alone pampering so they were too fucking late.) I hope that this coming Friday (and Saturday as Im out Saturday night too) will be enjoyable at the very least. Luckily, my expectations are low though, so I wont be hard to impress hahaha!
A few weeks back I wrote about the health issues surrounding my family. Here is the update:
My Mum has now signed on. There are literally no jobs around, she’s applied for retail supermarket stuff and basically anything she can get, but she just doesnt even get a response. Companies who advertise are either too fucking lazy or literally snowed under with applicants to get round to replying to every single unsuccessful applicant. Personally, I consider it very rude to not reply, but I can understand their reluctance to pay someone extra hours to simply respond with “NO”. Anyway, it’s fairly good news as my Mum now gets jobseekers allowance – thats what she paid all her taxes for all these years and Im glad shes getting something out of the government.
The flood in our flat. Well, the water has dried out, there is no more water gushing through the sewage pipe behind the toilet anymore (which means that the drunk upstairs has finally called a plumber, in fact, it seems he’s been clearing the whole place out from all the banging and walking up & down stairs he’s been doing.) However, there is still damp on the walls, plaster peeling off etc etc and no news from the insurance. Its down to our landlord to sort it out, but our contract is due for renewal in the next month, so he really should get a move on, or we’ll move out.
My Grandad had some results back. It is definitely lung cancer. We are very lucky in that it has not spread anywhere else in his body, but the tumour is very close to his spine and he will begin radiotherapy on 23rd March to reduce the size of it. Due to his age and frailty he cannot have chemotherapy, and he cannot have the full dose of radiotherapy either as both would kill him. So the small doses of radiotherapy that he will have will hopefully shrink the tumour, make him more comfortable, but sadly, it wont cure him. He turned 83 yesterday.
My Dad has also been suffering from all this to the point that he had a sudden memory loss two weeks ago. Lying in bed he suddenly didnt know what day, month or even that Grandad was ill. We feared that he’d had a minor stroke from all the worry, but it turned out to be “transiant global amnesia.” Its not too serious, but unfortunatly the doctors do not really know exactly what causes it. It’s usually a one off thing and although my Dad has had trouble remembering short term things this past week, he should be fine.
Finally, my Granny (on my Mums side of the family) has also fallen ill. We’re not sure what with though. She battled bowel cancer and won in late 2007, but over the past few months shes had problems digesting and the past 10days shes been in a lot of pain and just felt generally under the weather – something very out of character for my Gran. She’s had blood tests which came back fine, and been put on protein shakes to build up energy as she hasnt felt at all hungry. She has an appointment on the 25th March to see what they can do about the pain shes feeling, but as for how pale she is, we just don’t know at the moment.
So that’s the update. Im coping fairly well with it all, although I think its a case of “life must go on” and Ive got used to all the worrying and stress. It was my bf & I 2 year anniversary last Monday and we had a lovely meal (but still no nooky, he says he’s working on fixing it, but Im so used to going without now it’s been a year of incramental sex that I take no notice of it, plus, as you can see from above, I have too much other shit on my mind.) In other news it’s my 22nd Birthday on 20th March (next Friday) so wish me well. 
I missed this weeks HNT, Im sorry but Ive had some bad news over the past few weeks. First, my Mum’s temp job ended and she has been unable to find any other work. She has been living off what little savings she has and now basically has no money and no way to earn any money. In a sense she is very lucky because she owns her house and has no morgage, but she still has bills to pay and I am very very worried about her. I cant really afford to lend her money, and I don’t really want to because she smokes and I don’t want my money to go towards her smoking habit. I have to go round and clear out my bedroom so that she can think about renting it out, but as I said, she is a smoker and I can’t imagine she’ll have much luck unless a fellow smoker chooses to rent.
Secondly, we still havent had our bathroom fixed. A surveyor came round to look at the damage and whilst with my boyfriend made a big fuss about getting it all replastered and fixed etc etc. Yet when we got the actual insurance letter through we’re left with two lousy coats of paint, thats it. As a response we contacted our landlord and made him come round to view the damage and hear the water that was still streaming through the sewage pipes in the wall. He was much more supportive and said he’d speak with the whole block of flats management people (who so far have fobbed off our phone calls, telling us to knock on the door of the alcoholic upstairs – something we dont want to do in case he turned violent.) Our landlord spoke the man upstairs (who amazingly answered the door, shock horror) and he has since managed to turn the taps down, but not off. We will leave it until Wednesday to see if he calls a plumber to get them fixed properly and if not we will call our landlord again. Hopefully, our landlord will also talk to the surveyor and get us a better deal than two licks of paint.
Also, the worse news is that we found out 10 days ago that my Grandad has a lump in his lung. He has been loosing weight rapidly lately, and had a biopsy last week and we’ll get the results next week, but I think we can be sure it won’t be good news. I’ve been seeing him every weekend, and from last weel to today he has visibly deteriorated. We don’t think they’ll be able to help him as hes quite old and had minor strokes and heart attacks so going into surgery wont be feasible, so it’s simply a matter of time. Today we had to move my grandparents bed downstairs as neither of them can get upstairs that easily anymore, and it was hard seeing my cousin and Aunt shocked at his illness too, plus my Dad is taking it hard too. Death comes to everyone, but its still difficult when it’s so obvious and you cant do anything to stop it or to even help.
Also, my heart goes out to my fellow bloggers and what I consider friends, Mina & Sylvanus. Mina too has been hit by this horrible recession and been made redunadant and my thoughts are with you too. It doesn’t rain but it pours as they say.
